Uh Oh! The Destroyer in Chief has wrecked another industry. What industry did Obama destroy? The teleprompter industry. Think about it. Who in their right mind would ever use a teleprompter after Obama has proven incapable of speaking or acting “off script?” The message, or “teleprompter anti-sales pitch” of Obama is this; if you need a teleprompter, you’re not that bright. Don’t believe me. Here’s a list of off teleprompter gaffs of our President:
“The Bomb” that fell on Pearl Harbor
“The Middle East is obviously an issue that has plagued the region for centuries.”
10,000 People (A Whole Town!) Died in Kansas ~ Oops, Overstated by 9,988
Admits His Plan would Necessarily Cause Energy Prices to Skyrocket
Air Raiding Villages a la Yankee Air Pirates: Destroys Whole Afghan Villages!
Blames Hugo Chavez’s Election on (ta da) BUSH! Oops.
Blows off the Salute To Heroes (MOH) Inaugural Ball
Botched Toast ~ Babbles over “God Save The Queen”
Burns up 9,000 gallons of Jet Fuel on Earth Day
Can’t Keep MOH Recipients Straight
Celebrates the Fifth of the Fourth
Claims to be the only President in History to Try to Eliminate Unnecessary Regulations
Confuses “his” Christianity for “his Muslim faith”
Congratulates the FBI’s First Hundred Days
Constitutional Principles on Judiciary Written 20 Centuries Ago
Date Nights at a Quarter of a Million a Pop
Did He REALLY just call Palin a “Pig”??????
Disrespects the Flag and the National Anthem
Doesn’t Know How Old His Daughter Is
Exaggerates about Military Small Unit Methods, Weapons, and Tactics in Afghanistan
Expects to be President for “Eight to Ten Years”
Faux White Sox Fan Can’t Name Favorite Players, Loves “Cominskey” Park
Flippantly Answers the “When Does Life Begin” Question ~ Above His Pay Grade
Forgot to Duck ~ Too Busy Waving
Gins up the Reason for his Birth In Selma (Bonus…Jive Accent)
Gives a Shout out to MOH who Isn’t
Gives Thoughtless Gifts to Brit PM Brown and his Children
Had an Imaginary Assignment to the Senate Banking Committee
Had an Uncle who Liberated Auschwitz
Harvard Degree ~ Mechanical Engineering? No, Definitely NOT!
How to Keep All Those Wars Straight?
Identifies a Whole New State (Eau Claire)
If I Can’t Dazzle Them With Brilliance, I’ll Baffle ‘em With BS
Inhaled Frequently. That was the Point.
Israel is a Strong Friend of Israel’s ~ Whilst being Perfectly Clear
Makes a Nasty Joke about Nancy Reagan and Seances
Ogles La Derriere Like a Frenchman
Oh Wait…Robots Create Jobs with Unions (@ 1:35)
Panders to Hispanics…Rewrites History Again
Pitches Like a Girl Whilst Wearing Mom Jeans….Wheeeee!!!!!
Refused to Visit the Troops Because No Media Was Allowed
Scares the Crap out of New Yorkers
Scares a Marine Guard by Shaking His Hand
Screw Our Allies ~ I’m going with Hugo and Ortega on This One
Seeks Greater Inefficiencies in the Health Care System via Obamacare
Signs the Wrong Year in Guest Book at Westminster Abbey
Shankopotamus (check out the Crackberry)
Snubs Brits by Returning the Bust of Winston Churchill
Someone Waging a KMA can’t Spell “Libya” (h/t our own Warner Todd Houston)
Staff Incompetence ~ Obama’s Limo Gets Stuck
Thinks “Victory” is a 4 Letter Word
Throws Out the Honored Guest with the Trash
Wants to Halt the Rise of Privacy
We are the Ones We’ve Been Waiting For
We Can’t Balance The Budget…w/o Tax Increases ~ Um, Bernanke Disagrees
When in Ireland, Do as the Irish Do….NO WAIT….BYOB (non-alcoholic)
Will Halt The Rise of the Oceans
Wouldn’t “Punish” His Daughters with a Baby AND Equates Pregnancy to an STD
You Might be a Filthy Rich Cretin If….Oh Never Mind, the Math Doesn’t Really Work
Wow! So this is what happens when somebody goes teleprompter free. Yet, maybe there’s another story lurking here? Maybe, just maybe, this is what happens when a guy who isn’t all that smart goes teleprompter free. See my point. If you use a teleprompter, folks are going to think you aren’t all that smart; thus the demise of the teleprompter. The teleprompter’s reputation is about to surpass the I’M WITH STUPID ↑ T-shirt as the leading indicator of stupidity. On or about October 17th, 2011, the President’s truck called TOTUS, an acronym for “teleprompter of the United States,” was stolen. The truck was filled with electronic equipment and teleprompters. Guess what, the thieves dumped it, I guess disappointed that the cargo was so worthless. Actually, authorities will not reveal whether the contents were stolen or not, probably not. Thus it is not a leap of faith to surmise that the reputation of the teleprompter has been so disparaged, so diminished, by our President that thieves don’t even want them. What a sad day in teleprompter history. Let us bow our heads in respect for the demise of the reputation of the teleprompter. Who would have seen it coming?
That’s my Reetzality for the Day.
Thanks for the read.
Brett Reetz
P.S. And I thought GW was a bit dim at times. Who isn’t when you think about it? But that list? Impressive.